fury

Is it me but is it too much to ask.......

I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half and sometimes i just can speak my mind. I cant just say something without sounding like i don't care about her. I have always loved her and care for her even before she left to continue her studies. Is it normal that a girl needs to be reminded constantly that i love her, care about her, think about her....blah blah blah??? i wish i can ask someone on the net, people tend to be more honest online...which i love by the way.

i haven't slept with her...thats right yet i don't see it as an issue. I'm in a conflict with myself where i see myself in my prime youth not able to share that with the person i love, shes a virgin and she doesn't want to do it yet. She wants to do when its right. I just felt that she kept on pushing me away every time i ask her, i never wanna hurt her, always thought of her before i thought about myself.

I really do miss it and she always emphasizes on how much she would want me to be her first, but at the same time she wants to wait. My selfless personality always gets the best of me yet there is another part of me tells me the opposite. Its hard enough to hang about with friends who are in relationships and just studying them, although they have been less time with each other, sex brings them closer together.

I missed it so much that i did something that a lot of people will not approve, but surprisingly my close friends were happy for me. I don't understand, its like I've been living under a tree.

it was one of my friend's birthday, the party was with a pirate theme which was not bad. I dressed up as the pirate who didn't really much attention to detail to his costume. Didn't have a pleasant conversation earlier so....though that meeting friends would make me feel better. Walked to his house, was a loads of people, people i know and didn't know...brought my mood up which was good. Luckily, another friend of mine had some Absolut so thats good, reminds of the time i was in russia. Well the night pretty chilled talkin, playing pool, having a couple of drinks....got to know a girl who came to dubai to visit.....very smart and interesting.

By the end of the night, sat down with her next to the pool. Calm night kind makes you wonder, you don't get to see the stars that much. Easy going girl got me interested in her, talked about stuff and one thing led to another, we started making out. The thing is that i didn't feel any guilt nor regret, it felt almost right.........